Blessings Through Tragedy

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11.Sep.2002

I’ve tried very hard to remember what I was doing September 10, 2001. I’m sure I woke up my children, had prayer with them, fed them breakfast, and listened to their complaints about what was in their lunches. I walked them to their buses, kissed them and sent them off to school. I probably did the morning dishes, put on a load of laundry and ran some errands. But try as I might, I cannot pinpoint that day in my mind. There are no details that stand out enough for me to say, ‘Of course! That’s what I was doing.” It was a day like any other and the last of it’s kind for some time to come. Despite the horrors of the next day, we are still blessed as a family—and as a nation. We walked through the fire of terrorism, and by doing so, we have learned difficult lessons.

September 11, 2001 came crashing down like a cold steel bar on our lives, dividing the before, from the after. What lies between the two is filled with sorrow, disbelief, grief and anger; what has came after the attack on our nation has trickled down to affect our family in ways we could never have foreseen. al-Qaida doesn't know my husband, my children, or me. We do not personally know any of the over three thousand innocent Americans that were brutally killed on that day last September. Yet the evil that was planned in dark caves and dusty camps thousands of miles away from our home has had a profound affect upon our family. We learned that the actions of others can have a devastating effect upon our lives.

The attack on our nation has taken away my husband's job and a great deal of his self-esteem. He has trouble sleeping at night, worrying about how we will keep our home, how we will pay our bills and feeling responsible for not having a job. It wasn't his fault that the devastation of that day wreaked such economic havoc on our nation; yet he feels responsible for being laid off. With all that, we are still blessed because we have him here with us. There are many fathers who never came home on September 11, 2001. Daddies who will never again lay awake at night pondering how to afford braces for their children or how to pay for a new skateboard for their son. My children's Father did come home that night. We have learned to be grateful for our struggles, for they enable us to grow.

The attack on our nation affected our summer vacation. We didn't take one because we couldn't afford to. It is trivial matter, compared to the great loss of life and human tragedy. Despite the fact that we weren’t able to travel this summer, we were given an extra bonus by having Daddy home with us. The loss of his job meant that the entire summer seemed to be one long family moment. Yes, there was some adjustment to having him home and underfoot all the time. But when times became overly stressful, we would take a deep collective breath and know that there were thousands of families wishing they could have their Daddies home with them. We have learned that life is very fragile and each moment together is precious.

It changed how we shopped for school clothes. We bought less and had help from our church to be able to get everything that our four children needed to start school. But my children are here, and they still have two parents who love them, so being thriftier while school shopping and not being able to buy name brands is not a sacrifice. My children are still clothed and warm. There are many children who weren’t able to go school shopping with their Mom or their Dad. Who will never again have their Mom tell them not to buy that shirt because it’s just a little too revealing, or would they please just try on this dress because it would look so beautiful. No more arguments in dressing rooms. I thought of this as I took my teenager shopping for clothes. She probably never understood my smile or my patience with her that day as I politely informed her that I was not buying a white lace top to wear over a black bra. I know there are too many teenagers who would give anything to have one more disagreement with their Mom in a dressing room. I will think of them and be grateful for the conflict, for it means we are alive. I have learned to enjoy the disagreements, for they tell me that my children are becoming independent.

The terrorist attack on our nation forced me back into the workforce much earlier than I had anticipated. I arise at 3a.m. to go to work, come home to greet my four children from their day at school. I make dinner; do some laundry, dishes and dinner. Then I sit to listen to my six year old read the Cat in the Hat before we kneel together for family prayer. I worry that I am leaving my three year old much sooner than I ever left the other three children. Will this have emotional repercussions for her in the future? She is a special needs child, so leaving her is more heart wrenching than I had anticipated. Yet I am still here to love my children. I am healthy and able to work for my family, so I do. Many Mothers did not survive September 11. There are countless children who wish that their Mommies were simply at work and would come home. I will hold my babies a little closer each night as I tuck them into their beds, knowing that somewhere there are babies that don’t have their mommies or daddies to kiss them goodnight. Going back to work isn’t a sacrifice after all. I will do it gladly, for I have learned that supporting my family gives me strength that I can pass on to them.

Our nation suffered a terrible blow that day; one that is still reverberating through our collective consciousness and through our shattered hearts. Our family has been affected, as I’m sure yours has also. We were all shown in an instant of devastation, how short and uncertain the future is and always will be. From this painful lesson may we learn to appreciate the good times as well as the difficult times. To hold each other just a little tighter, and to never forget how we have been made stronger by walking through the fire of adversity.

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