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Fever...16.January.2004I had some interesting experiences recently while in the throes of a high fever. First of all, there's nothing more fun than having a fever. It's like having your very own personal heat wave no matter where you go. Toss in a little strep throat and you've got yourself a whoop-it-up party!My fever must have been a little higher than I thought, because I got out of bed at three in the morning (wasn't sleeping anyway, due the shards of glass lining my throat) and realized I was hearing my fourteen year old daughter's voice in the living room. Aha! She was on the phone! I stumbled out of our bedroom, and as I passed the kitchen I noticed the green light glowing on the base set of our phone. It's always green when someone is using it, so I knew I had her cold. Did I mention the fever I was suffering from? Through my haze I marched somewhat unsteadily into the living room. Ok, I didn't so much march as lurch, but when I got there I saw my daughter lying on the couch pretending to be asleep. I berated her for being on the phone at this hour of the morning. "Just whom are you talking to?" I questioned in the hoarse whisper that was all I had left that passed as a voice. "Stop pretending to be asleep, I heard you talking so knock it off." She stirred a bit, but never answered me. I turned off the television and told her again to stop faking it. I didn't have my glasses on, plus I was a little fuzzy due to the fever. Did I mention the fever? So I leaned in to her and realized that she was indeed asleep. Either that or she was a better actress than I'd given her credit for. I wobbled back to the phone base and yep, the light was still green. The phone also happened to be hung up on the base. In my defense, both are black, so I couldn't see it very well in the dark. Did you know that a green light will also glow while the phone is charging? I didn't know that either. By this time my head is pounding, so I wake up my girl and tell her to go to bed because I want the couch. She goes and I try to lay down and watch TV. That didn't work out for me either, so I grabbed a flashlight and a book I was reading and climbed back into bed beside my snoring husband. Ok, he wasn't really snoring. Everyone tells me how perfect he is so I thought I'd just add that little embellishment to spice things up a bit. It gets better. I wear glasses because...well, because I can't see too well without them. Mostly I wear them for reading, which is what I thought I'd do the next morning while waiting in my doctor's office. I was hopeful that it would take my mind off the agony in my throat and the personal little heat wave I was having. So I took my glasses out and put them on. Suddenly the world went all out of control on me. I squinted at the print on the page and couldn't see it. I looked across the room and realized that my wacky doctor had fashioned a fun house out of her waiting room. You know the kind, where the floor tilts at an odd angle and the walls are all out of proportion. I don't know why more doctors haven't thought of this before. Entertain your patients while they wait...and wait...and wait. Keeping my eyes open was making the room spin, so I closed them. This was HMO entertainment at it's best! I took off my glasses, shoved them back into my purse and pondered the possibilities that the fever was causing my eyes to bulge out of my head and would soon pop out and hit the wall three feet in front of me. Taking no chances on fever-propelled eyeballs, I kept my eyes squeezed shut. Plus I was sure that if my eyes were to fly out of my head, the other patients in the waiting room would not be able to come to my aid. Most were geriatric patients who, I'm sure, had been middle-aged when they first signed into the Fun House Waiting Room and would have difficulty maneuvering on those tilted floors to try and help me. My only hope was that I'd be called to wait in another office where I would be alone when my eyes reached maximum pressure and left my head at roughly the speed of an actor running for a public office. Want to hear something funny? No, I mean really. My eyes were just fine. In my fever delirium I had failed to notice that one of the lenses had fallen out of my glasses so that when I'd put them on, the universe did some un-universe like things to me and made me think the pressure build up in my head was causing my eyes to malfunction. Silly me. The Doctor had a good laugh at my expense. When she set her reading glasses down on the counter to leave the room to retrieve some prescription samples I removed one lens from her glasses. Ha Ha. I'm so much fun when I have a fever. |
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Scripts modified from Matt Wright's guestbook. His scripts can be found at Matt's Script Archive
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