College Age Drinking

Index

11.January.2004

Do you think that college students drink too much? It seems to be an epidemic, resulting in riots, cars being burned and memory loss. Now where was I? Oh yes, College drinking. Has it reached epidemic proportions and should we worry about it? I have no idea.

Now that I've cleared up that vital question, lets move on to something really important, like people not using their turn signals. Is it just me, or has turn signal usage gone the way of Hair In a Can and Pet Rocks? In vogue for a season, usually during Drivers Ed. Classes and then POOF! No longer available for use.

My entire driving career has involved the assiduous use of my turn signals. If I'm turning left, I flip my turn signal on at least half a block or more before making my move. I consider it a courtesy to those traveling behind my vehicle. I greatly appreciate it when the driver in front of me does the same.

However, more and more lately I've been forced to rely on my psychic powers to determine whether or not that blue Toyota in front of me is going to suddenly swerve to the right and exit the freeway. My psychic abilities are pretty good, right up until the point where I actually need them.

My ESP really failed me last week when a rather large SUV made a right hand turn from the left hand turn lane in front of me. I never saw that coming, mostly because I was blind.

Which brings me to another dangerous aspect of driving that has given me fits lately. It's also nearly caused me to drive into ditches. What's with all these new headlights that are brighter than they need to be? I've been told they are called Cool Blue. I have a better name for them; it's Lets Blind Oncoming Traffic Bulbs, or LBOTB. Say that acronym really fast and it sounds just like 'lobotomy', which is what has obviously occurred to the people who use them.

They're actually called High Intensity Discharge, or HID lights. Brighter than staring into the sun, or Britney Spears' teeth, these lights will burn your retinas and give your face second-degree sunburn.

There are also Plasma Type bulbs, which appear to be used to for sighting UFO's. The low beams help you spot them, you signal them with the high beams. These headlights now come standard on all pick up trucks, which coincidently are the vehicle of choice for most rednecks. It's probably also just a coincidence that rednecks seem to be in the frontline of UFO spotting events around the country. Either that, or it's a clever marketing ploy aimed at semi-defenseless country dwellers to enhance their UFO spotting abilities. I say 'semi-defenseless' because most of the country people also carry rifles on racks in their Lobotomy equipped pickup trucks.

Car Salesman:

Cletus:

Car Salesman:

Apparently, I have been mistaken for a UFO on numerous occasions by all the giddy yahoos (and I mean 'yahoo' in the nicest possible way) who are driving around with the ability to blind another motorist at a distance of two miles out.

The problem is, I don't drive in the country very much. I am a city dweller and yet these brighter-than-the-sun bulbs visually assault me on a regular basis.

Here's what we need to do. Use your HID or Lobotomy equipped pickup trucks to hunt down those drivers not using their turn signals. Finding UFO's within city limits seems like a long shot to me, so just use your Lobotomies outside the city limits.

Maybe it's the college-aged drinkers that have lobotomies and don't use their turn signals that we need to worry about.

Index

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San Diego, Ca USA -

Pamela, you are hilarious! (And yes, yeah, yahoo--I got to read it because my snookums didn't wake up early as she's been wont to lately. ) I've forgotten where you live, but remember little ol' me in Texas? I'd be willing to bet we have more trucks with lobotomy packages than any other state in the union. And gun racks? It's actually legal in Austin to carry a weapon as long as it isn't concealed. And it was legal right up until we moved here in 1990 to have an open beer in the car as long as it was held by a passenger. (You know beer ain't real liquor.) We probably have more rednecks too or "Bubbas" as we call them here. Scott and I used to joke when we first moved here that Texans must think the turn signal is a handy hook for a trash bag or something. They certainly don't understand its actual purpose. I too am tired of the glare in my eyes. At least now I'm in a Saturn. Our last car was a Geo Metric--the last year they made the four-door with a three cylinder engine. We live in what is called the "hill country" which made this challenging to say the least. On one particular hill I'd have to drop into fourth gear (it, like our Saturn is a stick shift), floor it and pray. Then maybe, if I was lucky and got up enough speed and didn't get stopped midway by a traffic light I could do 40 in a 60 mile per hour zone. I always wanted a bumper sticker that read "Back off. I'm peddling as fast as I can." Actually what I really wanted was one that read "Drive like Jesus would." I'm tired of bumper stickers that read "WWJD" (What Would Jesus Do) on cars driven by suicidal maniacs. If Jesus were in the world today I'm pretty sure He would use His turn signal. Thanks for the laughs. -Lisa
Lisa Shirah-Hiers
TX USA -

Dear Pam, You have picked major items to laugh at this time - they are real issues but outside of our control so there is no reason to cry over it so we might as well laugh. My husband is one that never used signals. I complained long and loud, now he pulls the switch down long enough for one click before making a turn or merging into traffic. I have to believe that his method is more confusing that if he didn't signal at all. The trucks with the bright lights are doubly annoying because they sit higher than cars do so their lights shine straight into a car's rear-view mirror blinding the poor driver. I understand road rage more every day. Keep writing your enjoyable stories. Judy
Judy Watkins
USA -

I love it! How did you think to use lobotomy as a way of describing headlights that are blinding? Hilarious. I hate being blinded by them and think they should be outlawed. Your funny.
Julie
San Francisco, CA USA -

I'm glad someone else believes in turn signals... I wish more people did!
Jeri Lynn
Shoreline, WA USA -

I'm glad someone else agrees with me on the whole headlight issue. And what most truck drivers don't realize is that their regular headlights are right at eye level for those of us in little cars. Sometimes I have to make it so I can't use my mirrors to avoid being blinded... And don't even get me started on those halogen/blue/whatever. I HATE those!!! Funny as ever, Pam!
Jeri Lynn
Shoreline, WA USA -

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