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Tofu Turkey27.Nov.2003There once was a day for Thanksgiving I'm kidding. You know it's too late for that because St. Patrick's Day is just around the corner. Retailers are always rushing the holidays at us. There's no rest, as we rush from one celebration to the next. Rush, rush, rush. It's high time we slowed down and took some time to smell the Tofurkey. Thanksgiving is supposed to be a day of thanks and gluttony. Of course, gluttony seems to have overtaken the thanks part of the day. This is why we have a tradition of sorts in our family. Before we eat, we go around the table and each one of us proffers something that we are thankful for. One thing everyone is thankful for is that I'm not cooking a Tofurkey. Not that I ever have, but just mentioning it to the hungry masses was enough to strike fear in their little carnivorous hearts.
Husband: A what? Me: Turkey, made out of tofu. Bean curd. You know. Husband: What? Me: A vegetarian alternative to killing a turkey for dinner. Husband: I'm deaf! I've gone deaf! But if you so choose, you can mold tofu to make yourself a tofu turkey, called a Tofurkey. You can even find directions online on how to create little drumsticks to cook alongside your Tofurkey. (http://www.yak.net/fqa/296.html) Although it is curious that a person choosing vegetarianism as a way of life would want to make their dinner look like an animal that they have chosen not to eat in the first place.
"That's nice dear" So far they haven't answered me. It's hard to be a guilt free carnivore these days, but it's still not impossible. If I can still buy my meat on Styrofoam containers then I'm good to go. I just don't want to look it in the eye first. I have a friend named Pam (yes, that's her real name) who holds a claim to fame that is unsurpassed in my circle of pals. She is the only vegetarian I know. She refuses to touch a dead bird for food purposes, so she invites a friend over to stuff the turkey for her. She is the sometimes-proud owner of two growing boys who love their meat, and she doesn't force her rabbit food views on them. Tofurkey is the solution for her! I understand that it's hip to be vegetarian. I've done it for a day or so and then have slipped back into my omnivorous behaviors. I can't help it. I know people say that going vegan is a healthy alternative life style choice, but I can't go there. After looking up the word 'alternative' I found it means that I have to make a choice between the two (eating meat or being a vegetarian). If I do this, then I must reject the other choice. I have issues with rejection, so I'm unable to commit to an alternative life style choice. I admit to looking forward to sinking my teeth into a slab of dark meat turkey on Thanksgiving Day. I am not ashamed to be a carnivore, as long as I don't have to see my meal out walking around the day before I'm supposed to be eating it. I am also unable to kill my own food, except for the odd cucumber or bell pepper. I'm remarkably queasy in the area of blood and mayhem. This is why I didn't go into nursing. This is also why it was a good idea for me to have been born into the time of cellophane wrapped food rather during the era of the pilgrims.
Pilgrim Husband: What? Pilgrim Pam: A realistic facsimile of a turkey, without the messy killing thereof. Pilgrim Husband: She's a witch! She's a witch! I've gone deaf! Oh, and Happy Valentines Day. |
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