Watch This!

Index

15.July.2005

The words 'Watch This', when uttered on the fourth of July never bode well for those involved, especially if those people have some of my husband's DNA. Yesterday I caught my son walking upstairs with some duct tape. This generally means he has broken something or is going to duct tape his sister's mouth shut. Neither option appeals to me so I asked him what he was doing, where he was going, what did he need the duct tape for and why did he cause me to have a c-section fourteen years ago. He said he was building something.

Building something. Mmm Hmm. Since I was fairly certain we'd gotten rid of all our plutonium I figured that whatever he was building was probably harmless.

Later I saw him come downstairs with a bundle he was attempting to hide behind his back. Mothers are given the ability to see behind backs for just this very reason. Teenage boys are notorious for trying to hide things from thier mothers because they know that whatever it is they are doing is going to raise their insurance premiums or cause them another ER visit.

The word 'sparkler didn't faze me. We've all played with them as children, waving them around, writing our names on dark nights in July. It was the word 'bomb' that got my attention. My son was in possesion of something he called a bomb. Plus, he is carrying around the double helixes of DNA contributed by my husband. That's two strikes against him.

I immediately called for my husband, which is what I normally do when our son is doing something I'm quite certain my husband has done or has attempted to do in his life. Meanwhile my son is giving me the Rolling of The Eyes, the Big Heaving Sigh and the ever so popular Why Do You Have To Know Everything I Do look.

He had me there. He's right. There's nothing I like. Nope, nothing. I ceased liking anything about the time my children learned to speak well enough to contradict me.

The reason for this is that I know my husband's fourth of July history. Since our son is a carbon copy of his father, I know that there is much stupidity around explosive devices in his future. I am on the front lines here, to protect and serve. And to hand him over to his father so he can listen to his horror stories about what not to do with fire.

One fourth of July my husband and his cousin Mark planted an M80 or M-something in a newly deposited pile of dog excrement. The fuse was lit, my husband realized it was a short fuse and yelled RUN! Hubby's cousin, instead of running the other way, turned in to the pile of dog doo just in time to see it explode and shower his face with ....well, you know. Another time he and his cousin (male of course, like you didn't suspect that already) were having a war with bottle rockets. They lit them, aimed them at each other and fired. My husband won when he landed an exploding rocket into the nylon jacket his cousin was wearing at the time. The scars are still visible.

You can see that my son comes by this naturally. He really doesn't have much of a say in whether or not he does stooooopid male things with matches and exploding items. I'm just here to see if I can help him keep most of his fingers and/or limbs till he reaches adulthood and marries. Then I can pass him off to someone else.

And for the record, he did light the sparkler bomb. Apparently it was a big disappointment to him and his friend Amir because it didn't explode. All it did was smoke alot. I'm sure he'll rectify that with his next bomb. He and his DNA donor bought some fireworks out on the Indian Reservation. I just hope he doesn't see a pile of doggy doo on the way home.

Index

editor's note: due to stoopid people who can't behave in public (ie, spammers) we have had to turn off the comment feature on our older columns. We'll try waiting a while and then turning it back on to see if they get bored and go away. In the mean time, we will manually add any REAL comments if you email them to us. The link is below.

Do you notice that it's alwa;y the males that are the ones doing things like this? I tell ya....genetics.
Pamela
USA -

I loved this column :) Reminded me of my brother and his friends playing with bottle rockets and seeing what things they could blow up with m-80's.. Another thing they liked to do is see how many "black cat" fireworks they could tie together and get to go off all at once.. yeah.. smart kids them were. :p
Deanna
Bellingham, WA USA -

LOL! This brings back a couple of 4th of July memories back when I was Chris' age. In one instance, I took one of those fireworks that change colors 3 times, lit it while it was still in my hand and just it goes into the casing, I threw it out into the street. It went off normally until it changed to the third color. No sooner then it did that, did it explode and shoot over my Grandfather's house into the orchard behind. The other time, a neighbor across the street decided to aim a bottle rocket at me. It did come at me, but it ricocheted off the curb and went back at him. I never saw him run as fast as he did that night! LOL Just my $.02! :-)
Steven Batty
Mesquite, NV USA -

I'm glad I only have a daughter!!! My husband later took his love of watching things explode and joined the Army to become a Combat Engineer, so our tax dollars paid to teach him better ways to get things to explode, which he now uses every 4th of July.
Heidi
Magna, UT USA -

Pam, not frighten you more or cause undo distress but, don't you know, Chris' exhibits all os the natural talents required for a job in experimental explosives or a military demolitions expert. If he keeps all of his fingers. After all, as you said,DNA will out.
Milt' Grismore
shoreline, wa USA -

Yes, he still has all of his digits. However I saw a rather nasty burn mark on his hand last night and asked him about it. Apparently when I wasn't watching they made a 'better' sparkler bomb and set it off. This one really worked. He now has a new scar to add to his growing collection.
Pamela
USA -

Well Chris may have his dad's DNA for 4th of July antics, but he sure has his mom's DNA for creativity. I'm just glad Chris still has all of his fingers and toes..he does, doesn't he?
Janean
Shoreline, WA USA -

TeeHee! I like this one. Chris reminds me of my brother... John survived, despite his 4th of July stupidity (which I'm assuming happened again this year!). At least John hasn't passed on his genes yet!
Jeri Lynn
Shoreline, WA USA -

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